Isn't it interesting how God works? Let me try to explain a series of events and how they spoke to me. First off, our Pastor's wife is teaching a study on Proverbs 31:10-31 and calling it "Practically Speaking," Each week, after Joan's teaching, two women share their testimonies dealing with the topic. The topics are: New Beginnings--Accepting Change, Our Need for Time Alone With Him, The Virtuous Wife, Raising Children Who Love God (2 parts), P.M.S. to Menopause and Beyond, The Renaissance Woman, and Excellence--Realizing Your Potential.
Well, months ago I was asked to share during the last day of our Bible study. I accepted the challenge . So during this time that I've been laid up with my foot I have done a lot of thinking about what to share in the ten minutes allotted. Since most of the women in my church didn't know me before my husband went to prison, they have no idea what giftings I was using in my other congregation. In those days I felt that I knew who I was in Christ and how he wanted to use me. I truly felt I knew my potential and was slowly moving in that direction.
Then came my own personal Hurricane Sandy that destroyed all I had been involved in and loved. I had to rebuild. As a mulled over my story, I decided that it was important to share the depression I went through and the fact that I am in therapy. I wanted to share God's faithfulness to me even when I was struggling to be faithful to Him, and to myself. I wanted to share my battle with the enemy--the self doubts, insecurities, anger, embarrassment, etc he bombarded me with. I wanted to share the challenge the Spirit continually whispered in my ear, "Take every thought captive", "Stand up against the lies."
There was more I wanted to share. I wanted them to hear that the repressed knowledge of my gifts and my potentials had started to resurface. I once again had hopes and dreams. But with these new found inspirations, hopes, and dreams came renewed battles and renewed disappointment with myself. I was choosing not to move on. Why, I don't really know.
I wanted to share all that garbage because I wanted women to know that just because one is a Christian doesn't mean she will never have struggles. I wanted them to know that the victory is the Lords even if they may not see it in its entirety for years. God knows what he has given us, what he wants us to do with it, and the tools to achieve it no matter what kind of battle is necessary.
I wanted the ladies to hear again what they had probably heard many times before, "Each of us is precious to Him, so precious, in fact, that he sacrificed his Son for us. The victory is his. He said so."
After putting myself through all that mental and emotional turmoil I began having doubts about sharing the struggles I have been going through. Then I looked through the outline Joan had put together for the study. At the end of it were two questions and two powerful statements.
1. Are you dissatisfied with your life?
2. Has depression crept into your life? How do you battle it?
Don't let the enemy lie to you.
You ARE worth more than fine jewels.
At this point I knew I was on the right track. My doubts were gone. God is so good.
This is where it gets interesting. I was stretched out on the couch as usual, and thinking how nice it will be when I'm set free from the big, heavy surgical boot on my foot and orders to stay down with my foot elevated. None of that will happen until my incision heals well enough that it no longer oozes. Until then, I won't be going anywhere or doing anything.
Then came the epiphany, my aha moment, the Lord's object lesson for me. Ready? My foot, with its slow-healing wound, is a picture of me with my still unhealed emotional portions. Until I deal with all of them instead of ignoring them, they will continue to weep and cause discomfort. They will keep me bound and unable to move on in victory. God knows what he wants for me. I have in inkling of what he wants for me. But, the choice is mine. As for my foot, I have done everything the Dr told me do. Can I do any less for my Lord?
Since that moment a few days ago, I have been back to the Dr. and given permission to drive, to sleep without the boot on my foot or pillows under my feet, to wear shoes as tolerated, to do household chores as my foot allows. My wound is healing! Thank you, Lord.
Now to let the Spirit continue searching, finding, and revealing the weeping, emotional wounds within me so I can let him heal them. Together, we can do this and I can realize my potential.
Isn't God amazing?
Have a God day, I am.
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