Lesson From My Weed Eater and Windows

 I have finished up my morning bowl of oatmeal with raisins and walnuts. The dirty bowl is sitting in the kitchen sink waiting to be washed.  I am enjoying my cup of coffee that is sitting on my coffee table while I type.  I am delighted with the sunshine and flowers that are brightening up my yard. But... But, in the corner of my entry way, standing where I can clearly see it, drawn up to its full three feet of height, is the weed eater.  It is fully charged and ready to go. I know it never demands more that twenty minutes of my time before its battery runs down, but I also know it wears me out, leaving my arms quivering like rubber bands.  I am trying vary hard not to make eye contact with it, so I look out the windows instead.  Mistake!

Don't ever make eye contact with a dirty window. Just thinking about washing a window makes my shoulders burn and wrists ache. But that window will now haunt me, consume me, and hunt me down until I either leave the room, pull the blinds, or get out the cleaning supplies that are under the sink.  No they aren't. Oh yes they are... no.

Now I have to avoid eye contact with both the weed eater and the dirty window.  I look away, in another direction, only to find another dirty window staring me in the face.  Panic starts to set in.  "Look beyond the window" I tell myself, so I do.  Oh no!! The grass under the apple tree is growing taller and taller.  It needs to be whacked down. No matter which way I look now, I am trapped.  HELP!

So here is my plan.  It is 10 AM.  I will finish my now cold coffee, wash up my oatmeal bowl, pan, spoon and coffee cup, put on my dirty outside-working clothes, take the weed eater out to the garage where I can't see it, take a walk down the road, and hope the sun goes behind the clouds so when I get home I can't see how dirty my windows are.

Just kidding.  I will wash up my dishes, put on my work clothes, and take the weed eater out with me to tackle the grass under the apple tree. I will then wash the windows, at least the ones I look through most often. I know my arms will end up like rubber bands, my shoulders and wrists will complain, and I'll go to bed exhausted, but tomorrow I won't have to avoid eye contact with either the weed eater or the windows.  I will enjoy their company.  That will last at least until I look through different dirt on different windows at different encroaching, out of control grass, on a different day.  And so life goes.


Now, take a quantum leap with me. Instead of talking about avoiding eye contact with a weed eating demon that wears you out, have you ever found yourself at the grocery store suddenly standing face-to-face with a person you haven't seen for awhile. This person is a talker who consumes your time even when you tell her you have to go. Just being in her presence wears you out. Suddenly you find yourself thinking, "I wish I hadn't come down this aisle. I should have stayed in Produce. I'm trapped.  HELP!"  You know what I mean.

I tend to also feel the same way when I end up in a small group discussion with a person who talks the entire time, even when they are reminded to "share the air" so others can talk. They are exhausting to be with, so you wish you had stayed home.

Then there are the times at church that you avoid eye contact with people you really like being around because you don't want to talk to anyone or are in a hurry. You look away or change the direction you're walking,  You know what I mean. At least I hope you know what I mean.

Its really not hurting anything to avoid eye contact with a weed eater or dirty window.  They don't care if we look at them or not. They don't feel rejected, ignored, or minimized if we walk passed them. People do care, though. Even as I write this, I am realizing I need to embrace the unavoidable, listen while I have the opportunity, smile whether or not I feel like it, make eye contact with God's children, and brighten up someone else's life.  It isn't all about me, if you know what I mean.

Community/School Loss

What started as a wispy, gray mist above my head just before bed last night has become a heavy, tear-laden cloud pressing down on me this morning as I sit on my couch and write. I didn't even know the fourteen year old boy the ocean claimed yesterday afternoon. All I know is he and a friend were swimming in the ocean and got caught by the undertow.  The friend made it out. He didn't. The Coast Guard is still searching for him.

I can't imagine the grief his family is going through.  I pray they have a strong support system, one that will cry with them, talk with them, pray with them, or sit quietly with them; one that will make a good cup of coffee, a pot of soup, or favorite meal. Most of all, though, one who will let them talk, cry, rant, question, remember, and whatever else they need to do to  mourn, except of course try to drink or drug the pain away.

I wonder what is going on at school today.  This must be the topic of conversation in classrooms, halls, lunchrooms, teacher lounges, bus barns, administrative offices, and playgrounds. Previous teachers are exchanging memories. Former classmates are doing the same. There is probably a bitter-sweet mixture of smiles and tears as groups mingle for support.

And here I am, just sitting, feeling helpless and useless, sad and teary. Silly! I don't even know the boy--not even his name. My strongest thought is "What a senseless, tragic loss of a young life."  I do hope other kids will now more fully understand the dangers of the ocean, that it is restless, mighty, dangerous, and sneaky in spite of its beauty, majesty and means of livelihood for our area.  I pray they will each in some way come to think as one of my grandchildren did last night, "I will never be able to look at the ocean the same again."

"Oh Lord, help our community make sense of untimely loss.  Show us how to reach out once again to a family experiencing tragedy in our small town.  Comfort the inconsolable. Give wisdom to counselors, teachers, and pastors.  Help your young believers be strong in their witness to friends during this difficult time.  Use them to lift you up.

Lord, we have witnessed the power of your sea in a tragic way, but we know that you are much more powerful that any body of water. Let us see your power in our town.  Amen

Oh, What a Beautiful Day!

For several days now I have wondered what in the world to write. I thought about sharing how I spent this last weekend.  I left for my son's home on Thursday evening to attend my grandson's Air Force commissioning on Friday and college graduation on Saturday.  I loved the pomp, the excitement, the achievements, the crowds, the good food, and family. The traffic wasn't too bad either, though I must admit I wasn't driving. But the weather Friday was sooooo coooold, frigid actually, but we all survived. I've decided not to write about that

I considered writing about the two books I am presently reading and enjoying.  One is The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and the other is Drawing Near by John Bevere.  Both books are challenging, thought provoking, and inspirational.  They are challenging me in my faith walk.  I've decided not to write about them either.

Maybe I'd write about my inner struggle over a decision I had to make. Well not exactly struggle, but more of a mini-discussion I had with myself.  Today is my husband's birthday.  I hadn't planned to go see him because I had other commitments for the day. Then, last night, those commitments were removed from my plate and I heaved a sigh of relief.  I would have the whole day to myself.  So, as you can see, I could make the one hour drive to see my husband if I wanted to. The time was available, but I didn't want to go.  I had nothing to tell him, and I had sent him a birthday note. Besides, I have a doctor appointment out of town tomorrow that will take up most of my day. So I decided not to go. I'm staying home today. Was the the right decision?  I don't know.  I didn't pray about it at all.  I just decided to stay home.  There is something about the absence of people that I find relaxing and comforting.  But I won't write about any of that situation.

So instead of writing about my weekend, my reading material, or my inner conflict, I will write about this morning's color and sounds.  I woke up to a blaze of light in my backyard that made my  rhododendron glow a hot-pink.  The yellow-green of the sun-drenched grass contrasted against the deep green in the shade almost hurt my eyes.  "Oh, what a beautiful day!" sang my heart.

I threw on yesterday's clothes and went out for a short walk.  I wanted to make mental notes of what I would see and hear of God.  I expected to hear the twittering of sparrows, juncos, goldfinches and other small birds as they fed, talked, and marked territorial boundaries.  Surprisingly, those sounds were completely absent--so too were the raucous caws of crows and jays. Listening more closely I heard only the sighing of the wind as it passed through the trees.

The world might have been still to my ears, but it shouted to my eyes. Rhodies clad in purples, reds, pinks, yellows and oranges fill the yards along my one-lane road. White daisies, yellow buttercups, orange red-hot pokers, purple lupine and myriad irises danced in contrast.  A golden-chain tree stood out against a dark green cedar.  Spruce, fir, hemlock, and alder added too many shades of green to count.  "Oh, what a beautiful day!"

As I turned to head back home, some starlings flew overhead speaking their unmistakable language.  A little farther down the road I heard blackbirds calling from the tall grass.  A pair of crows challenged in reply from the droopy-topped hemlock.

God has everything under control this morning. My eyes and ears give praise for the beauty surrounding  me.  "Oh, what a beautiful day!  Thank you, Lord."

Just Like Jesus

My oldest grandson has a busy month ahead of him.  First, he will be commissioned into the Air Force, then graduate from college, and lastly, get married.  All this happens in a three week-time frame. Talk about life changing experiences!

As I was remembering Nano as a preschooler, this story came to mind.

"Nano, don't run around in your underwear.  Go get some clothes on please."

"But Mom, I want to be like Jesus!"

"I don't think Jesus ran around in his underwear.  Now go get dressed."

Several minutes later Nano returned with one of his books opened to a picture of Jesus on the cross.  Pointing to the cloth wrapped around Christ's loins my grandson quipped, "See, he's in his underwear.  I'm just like him."

If only it were that easy. But, I don't think that is what Paul had in mind when he wrote, "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children..."  Ephesians 5:1a

So, Nano, as you go out into the big, wide, world, I pray you still want to being just like Jesus. Just remember to wear more that underwear. Never leave home without wearing the full battle armor only he can supply.

All is Well in My World?

A couple weeks ago I made the decision to discontinue therapy--to graduate so to speak.  I had reached the point where I couldn't find much to talk about during my sessions except life in general.  Topics of track meets, yard work, Bible study, and family were becoming the norm.  I didn't think about my husband very often, and when I did, emotions that used to be stirred up were no longer threatening. I looked forward to seeing friends instead of avoiding them. My daily life no longer seemed strange to me.  It had become my new normal.  All was well in my world.

Last night was a reminder that I still have obstacles to overcome.  The high-school awards banquet celebrating all the spring sports and academic teams was the evening's big event.  Why it is called a banquet I'll never figure out.  Food consists of cookies and cake with punch and coffee thrown in.  It is a Team Dessert, not a Team Banquet, but I'll let the terminology slide for now.

Anyway, I arrived at the banquet about five minutes early, as usual.  I looked around for my family members who were not there yet.  Two of my grand kids would be getting recognition for both athletics and academics so I knew they would be coming. Other people were arriving, finding friends, claiming tables, chatting with others, and anticipating the upcoming awards.  I decided not sit at a table with people I didn't know very well.  Besides, my family was coming.  So I stood by a pillar, using it for support, and began my wait. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed, people began getting food, and still no family came.  I thought about sitting at a table by myself, but didn't want to discourage other groups from having a place to sit.  I continued standing by the pillar while getting both mad and sad.

I was mad because I thought my family had decided not to attend and had not let me know.  Deep down I knew that was not the case. I was mad anyway. I was sad because I felt so lonely in the midst of a room full of  people.  Sadness made no sense.  I knew many of the people there.  I had sat with them at sporting events all year.  I had visited with them off and on while waiting for the next running event to start.  I had cheered for their son's and daughter's victories. But, instead of finding a place to sit, I chose to go wait outside, by myself. I came very close to leaving entirely--poor me, no one was coming.

As I now write this, I have to laugh.  How ridiculous.

While waiting outside I heard a ref's whistle blowing from the gym next door.  I suddenly remembered there was a basketball game that was going to interfere with the banquet by 1/2 hour or so.  That is where one of my families was.  My grandson as well as other tracksters and baseball players were just finishing up their game.

We finally made it to the "banquet", got come cookies and punch, and met my other family who had arrived for the awards only, not the food.  All was well once more.

I got to see my grand kids get awards for Knowledge Bowl, Math Team, Honor Athlete, Most Improved Athlete, and Most Valuable Athlete. I was proud of my grand kids, but also proud of the whole school.  For being so small, we have fantastic scholars and athletes. I was glad I hadn't let my irrational thoughts chase me away. I would have missed so much.

In spite of my temporary set back, which will probably occur again sometime, all is well in my world once again.  I thoroughly enjoyed the evening.  The biggie will be when I can comfortably attend by myself and sit with those I don't know very well. It's coming.

Rot Repair

This morning I didn't plan on starting my blog in this manner, but this is where I am.  I want  to tell you about my son and a contractor looking at my garage and deciding how much rot was in the siding and the best way to take care of the problem.  In our wet weather, wood tends to deteriorate quite easily once it gets wet.  That was especially true of my garage siding.  It acts as a wick once the water has access to it.  We would have to make sure all damp places were replaced.  That meant taking out some fairly good sized sections to ensure the rot wouldn't spread like cancer.  It made perfect sense to me and had to be done.  I could also see $$$ signs going around and around.  The funny part is my kids were taking care of the cost. But, it was still going to cost somebody a hunk of money.

Then, like God always does, he turned my thoughts from earthly things to spiritual things. Thoughts of rotten wood changed into thoughts of rotten attitudes and other sinful behaviors like resentments, etc.  They all have a tendency to spread and affect all different area of our lives. For example, I was quite upset with a situation involving my husband soon after he went to the county jail.  It had nothing to do with his actions.  It had to do with the action of a group we considered friends. As a result I started talking negatively about them and questioning their faith.  In my eyes, their walk and their talk didn't match up at all. I intentionally avoided them when I spotted them in stores or other public places.  I let myself become very judgmental, condescending, and self righteous.  My area of spiritual rot was slowly spreading.  It needed to be removed, although I wasn't aware of it at the time.

The awareness came during a sermon one Sunday morning.  Pastor was preaching from Mark 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." I knew then and there I had to forgive them, but more importantly, I had to ask forgiveness for the words I had spoken. Although, when spoken, they were the truth as I knew it, they were neither grace giving nor edifying. They were also not coming from a pure heart.  They were words of resentment. I knew I needed to ask their forgiveness, but it was going to cost me something, my pride.

So I went, explained the reason for my visit, asked forgiveness, and received it in return. They listened to and heard my heart, and in return I listened to and heard theirs. I soon discovered that my perception of what happened was my perception only, not their intent or reason.  We prayed together and parted with new understanding and renewed friendship.

There was still one more thing I had to do.  That was ask God's forgiveness and repair work.  He was, and is, the master carpenter, the one who removes all the rot that seeks to destroy. He doesn't just put up a patch and make it look like new.  He restores completely, but at great cost.

As I stood by my son and watched the cost mount as wood, nails, and siding were added to the materials list, I saw them morph into something all together different--not literally, but in my mind's eye.  The wood, nail and siding became a cross and $$$ signs became the life blood of the Carpenter himself.  The cost of fixing my rotting garage would be nothing compared to the what it had cost God to repair my rotting heart.

Under Conviction

It all happened soon after I got up Thursday.  I was excited that morning because I had an entire day to myself.  I could do whatever I wanted.  After getting dressed I decided to check out my calendar to make sure there was really nothing going on.  "What!!" I exclaimed to the unmade bed." What's this on my calendar?  I thought I had the day free."  Well, I was wrong.  There in black and white were the words, "9 am Clean Sissy's house."  Why, oh why did I have to check my calendar?

You see, Sissy was a young member of our church who had been widowed just weeks ago and left with three young children. She had had to move into a smaller house, and the huge house she had left had to be cleaned by June 1st. Some of us ladies were going to do that cleaning for her. 

"No Lord, I don't want to drive to town.  That will take almost half an hour to go just one way.  Then there will be at least 4 hours of work.  I'm too tired.  I'm too old for this. There will be other ladies there.  I think I will cancel out."  Those were my thoughts as much as I hate to admit it.  Yes, I know I had volunteered, but I wanted to stay home.

"Maybe I'll call the church and tell them I'm not feeling too well."  I could have done that, but I didn't because I would be lying.  I spent the next half hour trying to figure out some way to get out of my commitment. This is where the Lord started in on me by using scripture I had recently memorized.

"The religion that God our Father accepts and pure and faultless is this:  to look after the orphans and the widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27

That scripture sent some guilt through me because I really didn't want to give up MY day at home for a day at Sissy's. I tried some more mental gymnastics to get out of going. My heart was definitely in need of cleansing, perhaps more that Sissy's house. I soon discovered that God wasn't going to leave me alone until that happened.

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do, and doesn't do it, sins."  James 4:17

Ouch!  OK, Lord, I get it. It's not about me, but I want it to be about me. I want to stay home.

"In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:7

Lord, you know my faith has deeds. Didn't I spend several hours last night helping out with a Christian Youth Ministry event? I should be off the hook on this house cleaning thing, shouldn't I?

"Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

Finally, finally I had to claim James 4:7-10. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners and  purify your hearts you double-minded.  Grieve, mourn, and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourself  before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

So now, to make a long story short, by the time I arrived at Sissy's, I was no longer resenting the "imposition" on my time.  I was looking forward to doing something different with ladies I didn't really know. For five hours, three of us worked and got most of the cleaning done. In the end, we were tired but so glad we were able to bless Sissy in this way. In addition, we were blessed in the process. Oh that I could learn this lesson well.


I know there will be many more times I will have to fight this battle : my will vs God's will. I am so thankful, though, that I have now experienced the power of having God's word committed to memory. The Spirit has so much more ammo to use against for me. But. being the child I am, I want to put my fingers in my spiritual ears and say, "Don't talka me".  Instead, I must give thanks when scripture comes to mind that blows my lame excuses to smithereens, then do what is right--not what I want.


Now, this very day, I am experiencing the blessings of people giving up their own time to help me.  They have other things they could be doing and maybe even prefer to be doing, but they are here.  My family is mowing my yard because my mower is broken.  It is no easy task because my grass is a couple feet tall and it takes a riding mower to conquer the acreage. They have purchased material for some repair work on my garage that needs to be done before it can be painted.  They have made arrangements for someone to do the repair work.  And the Lord has provided a beautiful sunny day for us.


Now that I have said all that, another scripture comes to mind.  "But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does."  James 1:25


Lord, may I not forget what I hear in your perfect law, but may I do it.  Amen.