All is Well in My World?

A couple weeks ago I made the decision to discontinue therapy--to graduate so to speak.  I had reached the point where I couldn't find much to talk about during my sessions except life in general.  Topics of track meets, yard work, Bible study, and family were becoming the norm.  I didn't think about my husband very often, and when I did, emotions that used to be stirred up were no longer threatening. I looked forward to seeing friends instead of avoiding them. My daily life no longer seemed strange to me.  It had become my new normal.  All was well in my world.

Last night was a reminder that I still have obstacles to overcome.  The high-school awards banquet celebrating all the spring sports and academic teams was the evening's big event.  Why it is called a banquet I'll never figure out.  Food consists of cookies and cake with punch and coffee thrown in.  It is a Team Dessert, not a Team Banquet, but I'll let the terminology slide for now.

Anyway, I arrived at the banquet about five minutes early, as usual.  I looked around for my family members who were not there yet.  Two of my grand kids would be getting recognition for both athletics and academics so I knew they would be coming. Other people were arriving, finding friends, claiming tables, chatting with others, and anticipating the upcoming awards.  I decided not sit at a table with people I didn't know very well.  Besides, my family was coming.  So I stood by a pillar, using it for support, and began my wait. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed, people began getting food, and still no family came.  I thought about sitting at a table by myself, but didn't want to discourage other groups from having a place to sit.  I continued standing by the pillar while getting both mad and sad.

I was mad because I thought my family had decided not to attend and had not let me know.  Deep down I knew that was not the case. I was mad anyway. I was sad because I felt so lonely in the midst of a room full of  people.  Sadness made no sense.  I knew many of the people there.  I had sat with them at sporting events all year.  I had visited with them off and on while waiting for the next running event to start.  I had cheered for their son's and daughter's victories. But, instead of finding a place to sit, I chose to go wait outside, by myself. I came very close to leaving entirely--poor me, no one was coming.

As I now write this, I have to laugh.  How ridiculous.

While waiting outside I heard a ref's whistle blowing from the gym next door.  I suddenly remembered there was a basketball game that was going to interfere with the banquet by 1/2 hour or so.  That is where one of my families was.  My grandson as well as other tracksters and baseball players were just finishing up their game.

We finally made it to the "banquet", got come cookies and punch, and met my other family who had arrived for the awards only, not the food.  All was well once more.

I got to see my grand kids get awards for Knowledge Bowl, Math Team, Honor Athlete, Most Improved Athlete, and Most Valuable Athlete. I was proud of my grand kids, but also proud of the whole school.  For being so small, we have fantastic scholars and athletes. I was glad I hadn't let my irrational thoughts chase me away. I would have missed so much.

In spite of my temporary set back, which will probably occur again sometime, all is well in my world once again.  I thoroughly enjoyed the evening.  The biggie will be when I can comfortably attend by myself and sit with those I don't know very well. It's coming.