Thursday, October 31, 2013

Remember to Remember

Do I remember to remember who I am and from whence I came--
   parents who loved me, a family who cared,
   Grandmother S's violet bedroom, and Grand-dad's hobby horses,
   small towns, summer picnics, and the calf Dad won?

   Holiday dinners, alkali flats, and sagebrush,
   snow, long woolen stockings, and earthquakes,
   alkali flats, Sand Mountain, and Lake Tahoe?
 

Do I remember to remember what made me me--
   marbles at recess, racing through dried leaves,
   library visits, sprained ankles, and skinned knees,
   paper dolls, tether-ball, and hide and seek?

   Grandmother D's birthday poems, playing school,
   watching airplanes land, playing with lizards,
   babysitting for silver dollars, wearing glasses and riding bikes?


Do I remember to remember what shaped my life--
   cooking Wednesday dinners when Mom worked,
   learning to read maps, and help others,
   dinner time laughter, and playground tears?

   marriage and moves,
   children, church, and school activities,
   grand-kids, jobs, and visiting prisons?


Do I remember to remember I am here--
    that I matter, that there is no other me,
    that I am who I am because of others,
    that I am a child of God?

Every glance in a mirror, every sight of a photograph
    should create a wellspring of praise because I am someone,
    shaped by environment, nourished by people,
    loved by God, and redeemed by the Lord.

Do I remember to remember?

Loving the Lord today,
Jan, Licorice Kitty and family

All is well in Licorice's new room. She's content; the kittens are content. I'm a happy gal.




 
   

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Pride Bit Me--Again

Remember yesterday? I was excited about going to the prayer meeting. I was excited about visiting with my friend and enjoying a cup of tea together. Well, what a person plans and what actually happens are not always the same. Yesterday is a perfect example.

Beep, beep, beep, I dial my friend. No one answers. I fix my hair, put on clean clothes, and call again. No answer. Oh well, I will try after I get to town. I wade through the dried leaves on my porch, push the button to open the garage door, and back my car out of the garage. Since the battery in the garage door opener doesn't always work, I get out of my car, close the garage door from the inside, climb back into my car, and shift into reverse. Old Betsy promptly dies.

What in the world? She has a full tank of gas. What else could she want? I try starting her again. No success. She is truly dead. So much for well laid plans. Gone is the prayer meeting and gone is the visit with my friend. God must have something else in mind.

As of today, I have no idea what was on God's mind. I knew what was on mine, though, because I knew exactly why the car wouldn't re-start. It was my pride. I've known for months that I need to make an appointment with the auto doc. Betsy has an electrical problem. Every time I get in, shut the door, fasten my seat belt, and start her up, the open-door icon and the dome light stay on. Even when I finally park in a parking lot or in my garage, the light stays on. How long? I don't know, but it is a couple hours at least.

AND, if that isn't enough, when I turn old Betsy off and don't take the keys out of the ignition a "ding, ding, ding" warning bell assails my ears. I can't get gas without removing the keys. I can't park by the river to enjoy the scenery and my lunch without removing the keys. If I want to turn the car off, then turn the key to auxiliary power so I can finish listening to the news, I can't do it without that  dang "ding, ding, ding."

I feared that over time the light (bulb, not trivial) problem might drain the battery. Over time is no longer over time. The time was yesterday. Why didn't I take her for a check up? I don't like making phone calls. I don't like trying to explain something I don't understand. I don't like spending money. Besides, it probably wasn't anything that important anyway.

Is that pride, or what?

So, because of "my pride or what", I not only have to call the auto shop for an appointment and tell them my problem, I now must also call one of my kids to give me a jump start.

Will I ever learn?

Ironically, pride was the subject of Pastor's sermon Sunday.

Did God cause my battery to die? Of course he didn't. But he sure spoke loudly and clearly.

Eating humble pie and being thankful I have a car that died in the driveway and not on the highway,
Jan, Licorice Kitty and family

Licorice was very upset with my family relocation plan for her, but I think the playroom is finally configured to her specifications. The drawers under the daybed have been removed so she and the kittens have a dark, hiding place, yet the little ones have lots of room to explore, play, and not be under foot. Yeah.

She had better not try moving them back to my room tonight, or else. Or else what? Don't ask me.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Come Out and Play

Clear blue skies say,"Come out. Come out and walk." Brilliant orange and yellow leaves say, "Come out. Come out and laugh."  Frost coated grass says, "Put on another shirt and have a cup of tea." The frost is winning out for now. I donned another shirt, but the tea hasn't materialized yet.

I might get some tea when I'm in town for a prayer meeting. Aha! I have a great idea. After the meeting I will share a nice hot beverage with a friend I haven't talk to for several months, and get caught up on life.

Did you catch the irony in my last sentence. Friend and haven't talked to shouldn't be in the same sentence. I think about her every time I go to town, but never act on those thoughts. Our kids grew up together. We both love reading. We attended the same church until she moved across the country. Now, she is back in town, and her husband died of cancer, yet I don't call. I don't stop by. Why?

I don't know. This tendency of mine is one I've had for years. I guess it isn't really a tendency if I've done it for years. Is it a habit, a fault, or a problem? Is it an "I don't care" attitude or selfishness? I do care about her. I wonder how she is doing, how she is coping. Sadly, I don't let her know I care. That is uncalled for.

I know how I feel when I don't hear from anyone for days on end. I know people care, but I would love to hear their voices or see their faces. Actually, that is my problem. My phone makes calls as well as receives them. My car can take me places other than church, the grocery store, and the school track. I have no reason for a pity party. (note to family, this is not aimed at you)

On the positive side, I am attending a prayer meeting. That gets me out of the house and with other people. Just as attending my first Bible study at a new church was a big step, this prayer meeting is also a big step for me.

If I am going to take that step today, I had better get my shoes on, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and head out. But, I will take time to call my friend first.

We will answer the call of the blue sky by walking down memory lane. We will answer the call of the gorgeous leaves by laughing together. We will also answer the call of the frosty grass and enjoy a cup of tea.

Answering the Lord by telling a friend I love her,

Jan, Licorice Kitty and family

The kittens think my dust ruffle and duvet cover are a climbing wall. Oh my!







Monday, October 28, 2013

Foghorns and Photos

A deep oooooooooo ricocheted around my mind as I muddled myself into consciousness this morning. Ooooooooooo. I didn't want to open my eyes. I knew it was still dark outside. I could hear Licorice Kitty purring to her kittens. I visualized my curtains dancing with the warm air from the heater vent. Oooooooooo. After a minute or so of more ooooooooooos, I came to several decisions.

First off, fog, fog, fog. Fog has been the morning norm the past weeks, and must be the harbor conditions this morning, too. I didn't want to open my eyes to confirm my suspicions. It was too early to attempt such an effort, and I didn't even know what time it was. I did knew, though, that the ooooooooooooo was one of two things. It was either the foghorn by the jetty or else a tug boat's horn as it escorted a ship in or took one out of the harbor.

Oooooooooo, the horn sounded yet again. This time I didn't hear tug boats or foghorns on harbor. I heard a fog horn from sixty-five years ago. That deep, haunting sound is the only memory I have of childhood days in Seattle. The rest of my Seattle memories stare at me from two-inch square photographs: my brother and I sitting on a sidewalk outside a shingled building (our home below the Aurora Street Bridge, I think), my dad dressed in his Naval whites, me poking my head out from between my mothers knees (she never did like that butt shot), and my dad tossing me into the air.

That is it. Those few black and white photos are all I know about the few months we called Seattle home--those photos and the eerie sound of a fog horn by Lake Union. Oooooooooooo.

While I'm talking about eerie here, moments ago I looked up from my laptop to see what Licorice was doing. I knew she had jumped onto my bed while I typed. All I could see were a pair of yellow eyes staring back at me. She was curled up on a black, leather coat that my granddaughter hadn't put away after looking for a retro-Halloween costume.

I wish my camera battery had been charged. A photo of my white headboard, white pillows, white duvet cover, long,black coat draped across the corner of the bed, and the big, yellow eyes of an invisible cat staring at me would have been stunning.

Can a moment in time be stunning? I hope so because a new week of adventure lies ahead. This week I'm going to look for those special Jesus moments to share. You know the ones like the phone call you either make or receive that blesses you both, the beauty of God's promise in a rainbow, the joy of his presence in quiet times. Those are the things of life that often pass me by without a thought. I don't want to miss them this week. I would love to experience some "stunning".

Have a God day, you all,

Jan, Licorice Kitty, and three chubby kittens sleeping in a row, in different directions, with one chubby fur-ball on top of them all.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Saturday Morning--Plus "The Shoebox of Bones"

Saturday morning is almost over. The kittens are contentedly playing on the three feet of carpet between my bed and the wall. Lunch time is quickly approaching, and I haven't done anything constructive yet--at least not anything considered constructive by most folks. I have spent the last one-and-one-half hours reading the short, creative pieces written by my classmates in my Beginning Writer class.

The stories are creative as well as diverse. Fighting sisters from another planet, warring meercats, ice fishing old folks, suicides, murders, humorous tales, sad stories, they are all available to be read. Our instructor has her work cut out for her as she comments on them all.

I really wanted to start the next lessons of my new class, but felt I should write for the blog first. I also need to fix up a place in the playroom for the kittens. That means picking up small lego pieces, plastic army men and valiant knights, as well as stuffed animals before I can vacuum. There is only one problem with that location. It is right off the entry way. I'm afraid Licorice Kitty will make a quick escape if several people come in the front door at the same time. But, on the other hand, she is still quite leery of strangers, so will probably stay out of sight. Who knows? I certainly don't.

As for the kittens, they will need to be corralled. Here is my plan as of this moment. What used to be a closet now contains a long, built-in desk top with storage under one end. I think I can block off the under-desk area so that Licorice and kids have plenty of room to move around, but not enough room to get into trouble. The room has plenty of natural light, which is also good. I'll give it a try, later, after I finish this posting, and after I write some exercises for my class, and after I eat lunch.

One big question has been bugging me all day. Do I post my creative piece I wrote for my class? The original is 500 words long, as requested by the instructor. After reading a couple of her comments, the little changes she suggested will probably add another ten to fifteen words.

Tell you what. I will post it on the very end, after I sign off. Read if you wish. It's different from anything I've written before.

Getting ready to get busy,

Jan, Licorice Kitty and kittens

The Shoebox of Bones

“Allie, look at those long legs. I think you will be a model when you grow up,” Grandma told her ten-year-old granddaughter as they snuggled on the couch.

Allie giggled. “Grandma, models don’t wear glasses or have skinned up knees. Models don’t have messy hair or freckles. I’m not going to be a model. I am going be a dinosaurologist when I grow up, and I have a shoebox of bones to prove it.” With that, she pulled her box closer to her side and crossed her arms.


Several hours later, when all the baking mess in the kitchen was cleaned up, Allie’s mother said, “Allie, you make the best chocolate chip cookies in the entire neighborhood.” Leaning forward she whispered in Allie’s ear, “You’re going to be the best mom in the whole world when you grow up.” Then she pinched her young daughter’s rosy cheeks and smiled.

Allie’s return smile quickly changed into a frown as she replied, “No, I’m not, Mommy.  I don’t like cleaning my room. I don’t even like babies, especially ones with runny noses. Grooooss.” Then, reaching under the kitchen chair, she grabbed her battered shoe box and declared loudly, “I’m going to be a dinosaurologist when I grow up, and I have bones to prove it.”


 “Allie”, Dad said after dinner, “do you want to help me figure out how much yellow paint we need for your bedroom?”

“Yeees,” Allie shrieked, and grabbed him around his waist. “I love figuring out stuff with the best dad in the whole world.” 

After holding the end of the tape measure while Dad measured her room, and after helping figuring square footage, Allie beamed when Dad told her, “Your math is right on the money. One gallon should do it, Allie. No wonder your teacher says you’re so smart.  I bet you will be a teacher when you grow up.” He reached over and tousled her already messy hair.

“Dad, I’m not going to be a teacher.” A faint little smile crossed her lips before she added, “My knees shake if I have to answer questions in class.” Then, her eyes brightened and she fetched her battered treasure. “Besides, I’m going to be a dinosaurologist, and I have a shoebox of bones to prove it.”


Allie McDonald Remembered
Yesterday, Allie McDonald, lifelong resident of Old Town, was laid to rest. According to her daughter Julie Smith, “Mom, the best chocolate chip cookie baker in town, always stopped whatever she was doing if any of us needed help. She was the best mom ever.

“My mother used to say Mom would be a model when she grew up, and Grandma was right. Mom’s face was never in Vogue magazine, but it was reflected on the faces of all she met. With her gentle spirit, she modeled how to love chocolate chip cookies, children, life, and even dinosaurs.”

Mrs. McDonald’s youngest son James remembered his mother as, “the best friend a Brontosaurus ever had.” He then added, “Her stories of the dinosaurs she loved mesmerized generations of school children visiting the Natural History Museum she loved working at. Mom did more than show visitors around, though; she also taught everything she knew about dinosaurs.  

“Today our family is presenting the museum with these gifts in her memory, a plaque which reads,  Allie McDonald—Mother*Teacher*Role Model*Dinosaurologist, plus her most treasured possession.  In this battered shoebox are the bones she dug up in the gulley behind her childhood home. To you and me, they are chicken-leg and thigh bones, pork ribs, T bones and round steak bones, but to a little, ten-year-old girl, they belonged to dinosaurs. They created in her the dream of being, as she called it, a dinosaurologist. So, here is her shoebox of bones to prove it.” 

Friday, October 25, 2013

Oh, to Dance in The Rain

Well, folks, I've done it again--jumped into the deep end of the pool. Only this time I may have weights around my ankles.  After finishing up my Beginning Writers class this morning, I immediately checked out other classes that could refine my writing and fine tune my grammar. As of this afternoon, I am now enrolled in two classes that started a couple weeks ago.

The first lessons of Grammar Refresher weren't that difficult. They were excellent practices in the use of apostrophes, understanding homophones, subjects and predicates, and recognizing parts of speech. It made me realize what great English teachers I had in high school. I have now caught up on all four assignments, and am free until Tuesday.

Basic Writing has the same instructor I had for Beginning Writers. I have read through the first lesson, taken the quiz, but not done the exercises. That is tomorrow's activity. So, I will be doing some free writing while trying to keep my inner critic at bay. I think I have said it before, but I will say it again. I want to edit and re-edit sentences as I write them instead of writing freely and letting the thoughts flow. Write first, edit later.

This free writing idea is almost completely foreign when applied to walking with the Lord. I can't go around doing whatever comes to mind, or saying whatever I think or feel, than edit my actions and words later. Each decision I make, action I take, and word I say must be checked out first by my inner critic, the Holy Spirit. Editing poor decisions after the fact cannot erase harm that might have been done. Even my mind must be reigned in when it begins going astray. Fears need to be recognized and fought off. The list goes on. Thankfully, when practiced regularly, the correct actions become part of who I am, but there are still times poor choices sneak out.

Unfortunately, I have another inner critic. This is the one I need to tune out instead of listen to. This one succeeds too often in preventing the freedom and desires I feel in my spirit from being expressed outwardly. I hesitate jumping with abandon into a swimming pool when there is no reason to remain in the lounge chair. I hesitate walking into a wind storm to experience its power  as it tries to blow me over, or into a rain storm to feel the pelting rain on my face. Sometimes I really want to act crazy and run (walk would be more accurate) through mud puddles, but that inner critic whispers to me, "What will people think? What if you fall? What if, why, who..."

I know the Holy Spirit in me can do more than edit my actions and reactions before they are accomplished. He can also shut out/up the enemy's voice. Who knows, when the rains come again the neighbors might see me puddle jumping.

That reminds me of a time fifteen years ago when my toddler granddaughter stood looking out the door at the pouring rain. She let her mother know, in no uncertain terms, she wanted her clothes off so she could go outside. Mom obliged. That excited, little, naked girl ran outside, turned around a few time in the downpour, and made a beeline back to the house. "Cold," was her only response as an ear to ear grin filled her excited face. She had, in those few seconds, experienced a freedom and excitement many of us deny ourselves. At least I do.

I think singing, walking, or even dancing in the rain would be wonderful ways to celebrate the Lord. My inner critic is editing out the nudity part. I think I know which critic it is, but I might be wrong.

Keeping my eyes open for puddles to splash in,

Jan, Licorice Kitty, and family

The kittens found their way out from under the bed this evening. As Licorice bathed them all, they batted at her and at each other. Playtime is starting. I have to get serious about finding a new place for them. I think the playroom can be kitten proofed.




Thursday, October 24, 2013

Slow Growth

I asked the Lord for ideas for the blog today. I have an entire day for his ideas to get through to me. In the back of my mind I figured that the League Cross Country meet this afternoon would be wonderful fodder for creativity--and it might well be.

But as I sat looking out my bedroom window watching the wispy fog drift by and beads of condensation drip from the eaves, I thought how little my actual view changes. The lilac and rhodies, the apple, hazlenut, and maple trees, and the Douglas firs greet me every single day without fail. I like the fact that no matter what weather we have, the vegetation remains the same. The boughs and branches still sway with the wind and descend with each bird that land on them. I always know what I will see because it never changes.

Duh, yes it does! It changes all the time. Yellow and orange leaves fall to the ground. Dropped needles and cones nestle in the grass under the fir trees. The rhodies that barely came to the bottom of the window ten years ago, are now half way up. The little lilac wasn't around five years ago. It seeded itself by my window. The firs are so much taller and the branches longer that when we moved here. Everything has grown, but it was so slow I hadn't really noticed.

Everything that has life grows and changes, including me. I'm certainly nothing like the skinny, acne-faced teenager I was in the olden days. But let's not talk about the physical changes like added pounds (pumpkin ice cream will do it every time) or about my liver spotted hands and wrinkly skin. Let's talk about spiritual growth.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I almost didn't go the my Bible study because the topic was Marriage and Home. Different women were sharing on subjects such as: husbands, children and schedules, homes, empty nests, work, blended families, etc. Part of me said the morning would be too painful. Part of me said the topic wasn't relevant. Part of me said GO, so I did.

Afterwards, a woman I have come to respect and love put her arm around me and ask, "Are you OK after listening to everything?"

I was more that OK. I had been blessed. As each woman shared her love of Christ, the importance of seeking God's heart in all areas of life, and how he blessed, healed, and ministered in all areas of her marriage and home life, I rejoiced with her. Not once did I feel any resentment, jealousy, or grief. Praise the Lord.

At that moment I realized once again that I am changing--slowly and surely changing. I'm nothing like I was as a teenager. I'm nothing like I was five years ago or even yesterday, and I am nothing like I will be in years to come. But for me, the change usually comes so gradually that it isn't immediately noticed. Only when I look back do I recognize God's work and can acknowledged and praise him for his goodness and might.

I smile as I type this post because I wonder what I will look like ten years from now. I pray the growth Christ gives will be more noticeable then any new wrinkles or liver spots.

Growing oh so slowly, yet growing still,
Jan

Licorice and kittens are still under my bed. In spite of all the attention and picture taking yesterday, she didn't try moving them. She is probably pretty proud that her children's pics with cute teenage girls are on instagram. We might have a paparazzi problem before long.