Weekend Get-away

Whew, I finally did it. Every few months I have to re-enter my password to get into my blog. Sorry it took some so long to get in--five days to be exact. That's crazy. I tried everything password I had used at different times and for different sites. Nothing worked. Tonight I was finally going to admit defeat and tell blogger.com I couldn't remember my password. Before such an admission, I tried to log in one last time. So, I entered my name followed by some numbers I often use and special characters I always use. It worked!!! Now I will have to change it because you readers might decide to hack in. LOL.

So, I am in, staring at a white screen, and have no idea what I am going to write. THINKING. THINKING. THINKING. THOUGHT. I have decided. Please pour yourself something to drink (I have water and lemon at hand), pull up your chair, and let me tell you about my weekend at a scrap-booking retreat.

It was called a scrap booking retreat, but it was more of an opportunity to do whatever you wanted to do. Although we were small in numbers, only nine, we were large in interests and abilities. There was:

A P.E. teacher/active mother of 3/avid scrap-booker/reader
An elementary teacher/active mother of teenage boys/organized scrap-booker/reader
A retired kindergarten teacher/artist/knitter/musician/scrap-booker/reader
A nurse/quilter/knitter/reader
A small-animal vet/actress/world traveler/digital scrap-booker/reader
A retired military wife/quilter/knitter/reader
A retired custodian/fire builder/scrap-booker/book listener/fun-lover
A para-educator/new grandma/scrap-booker
A cross-stitcher/writer/scrap-booker who didn't scrapbook/reader/lazy bum. This would be me.

We have all been together several times over the past years, so it was fun seeing each other again, sharing stories, family pictures, vacation pictures, craft projects, You Tube videos we've laughed at, and good books we've read. It was fun not having to cook or clean up. It was also fun going to bed as early or late as we wished, getting up as early or late as we desired, showering or not, and staying in jammies all day if that is what tickled our fancy. Our fancies were tickled by flannel evening attire, so we remained thusly clad most of every day. Oh yes, our retired custodian/fire builder/scrap-booker/book listener/fun-lover made sure the cheery fire  in the fireplace kept burning. Aaaaah,sweet comfort.

When I first decided to go on this retreat, I had  hoped to finish a project I started a couple years ago. But as I stood in my office and looked first at the boxes of photos involved, then looked at all the supplies, I decided I didn't want to make decisions about what to take and what to leave behind. Neither did I want to make half a dozen back-breaking trips to the car and back. Let me tell you, scrap-booking supplies can be heavy. So, I packed up my comfy clothes, a book, a cross-stitch project I started last year, some knitting, my laptop, and some snacks. That was all I was taking..

While at the retreat, I would be sharing a room with a friend. She had told me she not only had a years worth of pictures to put in albums and a box full of old Polaroids to sort through and organize, she also would miss out scrap-booking Saturday night because she had a dinner in town for which she was helping provide music. That is why we decided to go up a day early, that and the fact that the retreat center said we could.

We weren't the only ones going early. Five of us arrived at various times Thursday afternoon, set up our tables, started projects, visited, and ate our brown bag suppers. I played a computer game.

As the weekend progressed, I watched squares of colored fabric become appliqued flowers and butterflies, squares of fabric become pieces for a sunbonnet girl quilt, gold yarn become a cowl/head wrap, and variegated yarn become a warm hat. I looked at and read patterns and instructions; and I asked lots of questions as I realized more and more their creativity and eye for color.

I saw each scrap-booker's family-life unfold as she took boxes full of photos, colored paper, stickers, and sayings, then transformed them into beautiful albums telling the story of their vacations, athletic events, hikes, parties, silly kids, beautiful grand-kids, pets, and just good-old-fun family times. While I visited with each gal and asked questions I thought, "How blessed her family is to have such wonderful photo memories preserved in albums with hand written stories for the coming generations to enjoy."

I looked at the digital albums the veterinarian made of her trips abroad with other vets to spay and neuter animal in countries where those services are either not available or not affordable. What wonderful trips, wonderful stories and photos, and wonderful service. I laughed at her stories, asked her questions, and marveled at her passion and compassion.

I observed the ladies move from their labors of love where they had been either hunched over sewing machines/ironing boards or deep in thought creating scrapbook pages, so they could stretch out on the overstuffed sofas to read another chapter or two in their books, knit another row or two on a hat, have a cup of coffee, or just close their eyes and rest. I also watched them disappear into their rooms for naps.

I rode the twenty miles into town to attended the Saturday dinner with my friend, a Robert Burns dinner to be exact, where we heard Robert Burns' poetry, listened to and sang sad Scottish songs, listened to bagpipes, and ate Cock-a-leeky soup, shepherds pie, a raspberry, whipped cream and shortbread dessert; and, are you ready for this, I also tried the watered down rye/cranberry juice/soda water beverage as well as the haggis*. All in all, it was a very interesting evening.

Now, you might be wondering what I did beside wander around checking out everyone else's activities and projects, asking questions, and partying.

I started and finished an exciting spy thriller.
Completed an inch or so on the cross-stitch Christmas stocking I'm making.
Knitted another inch or so on the first stocking I've knitted in eons. I'm on the heel now.
Did more researched and wrote 1/2 of a paper I will present in two weeks to my woman's group.
Took a couple naps.
Thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Strangely, I had made no goals for the weekend so had put no expectations on myself. Since I wasn't scrap-booking, I didn't have to get anything specific finished by Sunday afternoon. I knew my other projects were more than weekend projects. That meant I just could knit when I wanted to knit, read when I wanted to read, write when I wanted to write, or just walk around if that is what I wanted to do. I think you get the picture.

I loved doing my favorite things. I loved relaxing, but most of all I loved being around people, yet being able to have alone time when I wanted it. I found a good balance of the two. Will I continue trying to keep a "people-no people" balance in my life? I doubt it since that means travel. But I need to make the extra effort to socialize when the opportunity arises, whether at church, at the store, or at sporting events. God did not create me to keep to myself. That whole concept is not difficult for me to grasp, just difficult to implement.

So that is it in a nut shell--my weekend retreat and some reflections. Tomorrow is another day for discovery, a rainy one at that. I'm looking forward to it and what the Lord has in store. May we all experience God's presence in it.

Have a God-filled day,

Jan

*Haggis is a savory pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours. Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a sausage casing rather than an actual stomach.

As the 2001 English edition of the Larousse Gastronomique puts it, "Although its description is not immediately appealing, haggis has an excellent nutty texture and delicious savory flavor".

Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish, considered the national dish of Scotland as a result of Robert Burns' poem Address to a Haggis of 1787. (From Wikipedia)

I'm Hibernating

I'm hibernating! That is the conclusion I came to Friday afternoon. Hibernation is not something I am going to do. It is my present state of being. At first, I thought I might be getting depressed again. I really don't think that is the case. I think that my body, which doesn't see any light until 7 a.m. and is then plunged into darkness by 5:30 p.m, is in a human state of hibernation.

This is what it looks like. Imagine me as a bear. On second thought, I think I would prefer to be a squirrel. They are cuter and smell sweeter. As a squirrel, I rouse from my slumber (No, wait. Bears slumber-squirrels sleep). I rouse from my sleep, force my eyes open, and squint into the dim light. I slowly get out of my warm, comfortable bed, maneuver  into my fuzzy robe and slippers, and drag myself into the living room. Once I can focus my eyes clearly, I head to the kitchen for FOOD. Give me carbs--toast and peanut butter, oatmeal and walnuts, potatoes and eggs. Oooops, eggs aren't carbs. Oh well, I'll take eggs anyway.

My desire for carbs usually starts in the fall. For that reason alone, hibernation makes sense to me. I am fattening myself up for the long, cold winter ahead. I succeeded quite well this year. While my desire for breads and other starches is still strong, it has tapered off and my body is beginning to use up some of the excess I have stored on various body parts. Can you say "waist and hips"?

This not-so-little,sleepy, hibernation prone squirrel (me) does not want to leave her warm nest once her tummy is full. I don't want to turn on any lights, answer ringing phones, or go anywhere. Just let me enjoy the warmth, peace, dimness, and quiet of my home.

Of course that is not the way the world operates, so lights do come on and stay on for the entire day. The phone rings and I answer it if it is family or friends, but don't expect any long conversations. As for getting out, nothing is important enough to go to town for except FOOD.

So, in my self-diagnosed hibernating state, I am staying warm, eating well, sleeping long, and still tidying the place up. I've done some deep cleaning in my kitchen, washed a living room window, begun cleaning out the office, and thought about my projects for the upcoming retreat.

Even though it is still January, I think spring is coming before too long because I did venture out of my den yesterday to have lunch with a friend. On the way home I stopped at the mall and found myself some great deals. I loved using a gift card I got for Christmas. Today a friend stopped by for a spot of tea and conversation. She, too, has been hibernating the past months.

Life is good. I feel good. I feel rested. I think I will be ready for spring when it arrives.

Excuse me now, I have to go curl up with a good book, eat my freshly popped popcorn, and then maybe take a little nap.

Lovin' my quiet winter.

Jan

Deadly Bait

Hunting update

I survived my hunting expedition to the grocery stores last week. I avoided freezer burn, hypothermia, heavy mists, errant carts, and charging autos. Thankfully I captured everything I was stalking, including a can of jalapeno peppers. After getting home, I discovered I had been duped by those tricky jalapenos.They were really serranos. From now on I will be much more careful when nabbing the hot stuff.

Sadly, I fought one losing battle. It was with the Reeses Peanut Butter cups. They knew what kind of lure to use--2/$1.00. I saw the sign, paused, and thought a minute. That was my big mistake, stopping. Either they are very strong, or I am quite weak because the battle didn't last long. I did fight a little bit though. I got only two packages instead of four. I tried to claim that loss as a victory, although a small one. Admittedly, the loss/victory was later greatly enjoyed.

As for my ultimate victory, I spent $65 and saved $23. Not bad for an hour's work. I love a good deal--even those on special treats.

As I was writing about lures, I was reminded of the following true story:

Satan's Bait

My husband and I had been involved in our church's prison ministry only a few weeks when my small group of guys was discussing how scary it is when released from prison. One gentleman whose release was imminent said something that has really stuck with me. "Satan knows what pond I swim in and what kind of bait I will take. So I have to find a different pond to swim in and learn what kinds of bait are deadly. That won't be easy."

His comment is so true for me. I know I have ponds I enjoy swimming in.The waters look beautiful, but are dangerous because some bait there readily attracts, is easy to grasp, tastes good, but it does not nourish. When I take the wrong bait, it eats away at my desires and intentions. My ponds don't necessarily need to be abandoned. There are plenty of wonderful things to partake of there. I merely need to recognize and avoid the wrong bait. 

Take today for example. I slept in until 9, ate breakfast, put my dirty dishes in the sink with yesterday's dishes, got the mail, and logged onto my laptop. That is the bait I have to be wary of--the laptop. There is nothing wrong with getting on my computer, checking the weather, facebook, email, and Bibi Bird. It is the games that drag me under.

I started playing Fishdom 3 during Christmas. It is a Match 3 game where I use the "coins" I win to create aquariums. I can buy 8 different backgrounds, add numerous themed decorations, plant algae and coral, and  introduce myriad colorful fish to my creations. The fish (I can chose male or female) can be named whatever I desire. Every morning algae has to be cleaned off the tank and the fish fed. The same care is needed in the evening. Alas, I now have 8 aquariums and over 90 fish--including 3 turtles. It is a fantastic time waster because as I clean each aquarium and feed its fish, I also play a Match 3 game. Sometimes that takes 1 1/2 hours to play 9 of them. Truth be known, I don't have to play at all, but I take the bait that does not nourish, waste unnecessary time, and find myself sitting here at 1:30 p.m. having done nothing at all today.

I take that back. I have written this post. 

So, now that my aquarium's are cleaned, fish fed, blog post written, and sense of guilt heightened, I will wash up my dishes, start a load of laundry, vacuum (maybe) and start organizing whatever it is I am taking to a Scrapbooking Retreat that's coming up sometime in the next months. Oh yes, I probably should get out of my bathrobe first, but I don't know why. I'm not going anywhere today. I also need to eat lunch.

I really want to check the aquariums before getting to work. The fish might be hungry, but I know they will be alright until tonight. That is what is so crazy about this particular game-bait. I think of these animated fish as living things. In fact, all the fish in my farm tank are named after my grand-kids. I can't let them go hungry can I? Oh well, they won't starve to death since they aren't really living creatures, just cute animated ones.

Lord, help me say no to deadly bait.

Have a God day, everyone,

Jan. 

Off On A Hunt

I'm off to buy groceries this morning. This is the first time since the holidays. I have been using up all sorts of treasures from my freezer: turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans from my son's garden, pizza, strawberries, meatloaf. It's has been great, but the freezer is still quite full. I'll be working on if for the rest of the month.

In my fridge I am down to: one egg, cheddar cheese, bread, a dab of Greek yogurt, a bunch of condiments including salad dressings that are way past the "use by" date, and shelves that need to be washed.

I have no problem eating some foods a couple months past the pull date, but a year is a little much. I will not  buy more dressings though because it is easier to make my own. That way I can control the the quality of ingredients to some extent, and the quantity. They also taste better.

So, what will I buy? I will get mainly perishables: milk, eggs, fresh fruits and vegetables, and Greek yogurt while it is still on sale. I will also buy ingredients for a Mexican dish my mother liked to make. I would let you know what it is, but I don't know how to spell it correctly. It is a sort of casserole with canned green chilies, Jack and Cheddar cheeses, eggs, and tomato sauce. I remember it as being quite good.

One thing I have discovered is my tastes have changed over the years. What I thought was delicious when I was younger is not as good now. What I eat now, I wouldn't touch years ago. Whether the change is physical, psychological, or in the ingredients themselves, I don't know, but there has been a change. I guess I said all that to say I sure hope this once-favorite dish is still as good as I remember.

I think I am ready to move my body from this booth now. I have finished my Sausage McMuffin with egg (no cheese), coffee (2 creams and 4 sugars), made my grocery list, written this post for the blog, watched my fellow diners consume their breakfasts and drink their coffees, and listened to the conversation of regulars next to me discuss MP3 players, stereo receivers, local radio celebrities, stamp collecting, history of paper money, and the best logging roads to navigate to various towns in the area.

So, here I go on my shopping expedition. I anxiously await the moment I grab my cart, remove the invisible, potentially deadly creatures hiding on its handle, and venture into the interior. I'll shoot through foreboding, towering aisles while avoiding eye contact with tempting boxes that catch my attention with their flash of color. I'll plug my ears as they call my name. I will reach my hand into piles of foreign botanical growth while avoiding the periodic downpours trying too drown me. With fear and trepidation I'll reach into frigid caves searching for the perfectly dated container while avoiding frost bite. Finally, I'll stand in lines with other triumphant hunters who are also exiting the jungle. When my captured prey is finally checked and inspected by authorities, I will dig deep into the recesses of my pockets, reluctantly drag out my twenties, smile, and hand them over. The price for victory can be great. If this safari isn't too expensive, I may venture forth again in a few weeks. There will always new challenges to face, fears to overcome, and successes to experience. I'll be ready.

Have a God day everyone. I sure plan to.

Jan

What Engine Is Pulling Your Train?

During my first year of therapy, my Dr. kept asking me how I felt during different activities. For example, after visiting my husband in prison, she asked what I was feeling while driving there, while waiting for him to come to the visiting area, when I first saw him come in, etc., etc., etc. Those who have been reading my blog for awhile might have figured out I don't like to think about or discuss how I feel. Just let me do what I have to do and leave it at that.

Anyway, my answer to the question about what I felt while driving to the prison was, "What do I feel driving to the grocery store? I just drive. There are no emotions involved."

A discussion about recognizing and understanding my emotions ensued. In the process she told me something I remembered yesterday while cheering the Seahawks on to victory. She said something like this, "What we do, the decisions we make, etc. are driven primarily by two things--emotions and logic/reason. These are the engines that pull our train, so to speak. Both engines are on our train and are involved in our mental processes.  Some of us are pulled primarily by our emotional engine, but somewhere along the line the logic/reason engine steps in. This can prevent a derailment.

Others of us are primarily pulled by the logic/reason engine. Again, as before, the other engine, the emotion engine steps in to help out. As a result we don't miss out on "beauty" of the trip and the people along the way."

Then came the question I was dreading. "What engine is pulling your train?" Of course the answer took no thought at all. It was the logic/reason engine. But what I told her next surprised even me. "The emotion engine isn't even on my train. It got left on a siding somewhere."

I am happy to say that it is back on the train again, but still plays a very minor part. At least I can much more readily recognize emotions that arise--especially during sporting events like my grand-kids' basketball games and the Seahawks' wins and losses. I can finally cheer with the best of them. At least that is a start.

That is where I was yesterday, thinking about what engine was pulling my train. Now, today, other   questions have arisen. One is, "Am I a train that is working hard, seemingly with a purpose, or am I like the little toy train going around and round in an endless circle, seemingly without purpose.

The toy is the kind of train I thought I was until I realized that sometimes going around and around the same track is a means of renewal. There are no big decisions to be made, or uncertainties to face. I can rest and enjoy what I have and rediscover who I am. Besides, that little toy brings joy to those who watch it. There is a certainty about that little engine and the cars it pulls. Going around in circles does not have to be without purpose. I can bring joy just by being there while resting at the same time. Then when the time comes, I must be willing to be placed on a different track.

On rare occasion I am a train, seemingly with a purpose, going, going, going. Doing, doing, doing. Bystanders wave as I clickety-clack past them and wonder how I do it. Sadly, all the busyness can be without purpose.

Whatever kind of train I am (and the choices are many) the most important question I must ask is, "Who is the engineer, the one planning the trip, loading the cargo, making important stops for unloading, repairs, rest, and whatever else is needed? Who is the engineer who decides when to change engines, who knows when the emotion engine needs to jump into action, and when logic/reason need to kick in? Who decides what track I travel on?

If I am to truly be a train with a purpose, I need to get myself out of the engineer's position, put Christ in his rightful place, and do the work or make the most of the renewal he plans for me.

And, for me, make sure I have the emotion engine hooked up.

Happy chuggin. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. Whoooooo, whooooooo!

See you at the round house.

Jan

Crazy Day

What a crazy day! I don't mean crazy as in a billion things happening all at once or even over a period of several hours. I mean crazy as in it is 9 p.m. already and I am still in my pajamas and slippers!!  I got up at my normal time (whenever I wake up and feel like getting out of bed). Today, that was 8 a.m.

I shuffled into the kitchen, cooked up a few diced red peppers and added them to the omelet sizzling on the stove while my oatmeal with craisins cooked on the back burner. I stirred a handful of walnuts into the finished cereal, poured a cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer, and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast.

After washing up my dishes, I put 17 potatoes in the oven to bake. That way they don't start growing legs and walking out of the cupboard. While they baked, I did the Sunday crossword puzzle and a Sudoku. After the timer dinged, I diced up the potatoes, put them in baggies, and froze them. It was now around 10 a.m. True, I hadn't gotten dressed yet, but my bed was made, dishes done, and I was off to a great start.

I then dragged out the box my Christmas tree goes into and placed it in the middle of the living room. Wanting a piece of gum, I went into the bedroom to retrieve one, then decided to file the paper work from the past couple months that was piled on my dresser. I need to start getting my income tax info together--medical expenses, mileage, property taxes, prescriptions, stuff like that. So as I started filing, sorting, organizing, creating a spreadsheet, and entering data, I found myself with stacks of receipts and statements on the couch in front of me, on the end table next to me, and on the floor under my feet. If that weren't enough, I was getting hungry.

I finally looked up at the clock which was behind the Christmas tree that should have been in the box. Three o'clock!! You've got to be kidding me. The clock's energizer bunny must have died. So, I dragged myself out of my chair, climbed over my piles of papers, circumnavigated the big, empty, Christmas tree box, and headed to the kitchen to see what time it really was. The clock on the stove said, 2:59. I was stunned. No wonder I was hungry.

After heating up some leftover turkey soup for lunch, I once again circumnavigated the tree box, climbed over the piles of papers, settled into my chair, and resumed my project. By 6:00, I was pretty much done with data digging. Now I just have to wait for the official tax papers to come in. I'm hoping I don't have to pay anything this year.

There is just one problem now. I am again sitting in my chair, still surrounded by my stacks of papers, still having to circumnavigate the big, brown box if I need anything, but now I have dirty dishes from lunch and dinner in my kitchen sink.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow. At least I don't have to put my pajamas on tonight.

This has been a crazy-but-good day. Have a nice evening, all.

Jan

What's The Big Deal With New Years?

We are two days into 2013 and something is missing, but it will be back tonight. RAIN. My friend who lives the next road over from me has an official, electronic rain gauge. Here is the amazing result of rainfall in 2012. We had a total of 116.2 inches--9' 8.2" That sounds like a lot and it is, but the amazing thing is 56.8" fell between September 1 and December 31. Now that's a lot of rain.
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What's the big deal with New Years? That is the question I asked myself several times on New Years day. Over and over again I heard or read about resolutions--do people keep them and for how long? I heard about the dreaded fiscal cliff being avoided--at least temporarily. I heard and read about hopes and dreams for the coming year. What is the big deal?

Each and every day promises the beginning of something new. I can resolve, promise, or decide to make changes at any point in time, even as I type this. I can seek the Lord's guidance, ask for healing, finances, peace, protection or anything else at any time and experience something new.

What's the big deal about turning over a new leaf on New Years when I can do it today?

As I see it, there are two kinds of leaves that can be turned over. The first is the leaf of our life book, a page in our diary, so to speak. On January first, as the world see it, the entire "book" is empty, just waiting for us to start filling it in. How will I fill my empty pages? I hope I will recount my many blessings and the ways God met me in both the mundane and dire. I hope the pages will, in invisible ink, tell how I have touched others in some way whether big or small, and God was revealed to them. I think you get the idea of this kind of leaf.

The second kind of leaf is what is found moldering in flowerbeds and under trees. Yes, I know rotting leaves, grass, etc add great nutrients to the soil. I also know proper composting is the best way to accomplish that. If not removed, layers of rotting debris will greatly hinder, if not smother, any new growth. But when there is disease on the leaves, they must be destroyed to prevent its spread.

Last year when I sat on a stool, in the rain, removing inches of leaves from a flowerbed, I discovered something amazing. Under the slimy, brown leaves I found pale yellow leaves of crocus trying to find the light. Some were crawling along the ground, but others had actually punctured and grown through the decaying leaves. They had found the light and were greening up. Nothing could stop them from reaching the sun, becoming dark green, then budding, and adding the first color of Spring to my yard. It would have been much easier for them if the junk had been removed in a timely manner.


What kind of pain, hurt, anger, or broken relationships are piling up and rotting in our inner gardens. Are these the new i.e. ignored leaves in our lives that need to be turned over, examined, removed, composted, or destroyed so new growth can take place? I think so.

I need to let the Master Gardener of my soul help me with this one.

Tonight and every other night is in actuality a new year's eve. Happy New Year!

Turning over new leaves daily, Jan