I feel like a little girl on Christmas eve. I keep glancing at the windows in the sun room expecting to see rain drops running down them. I have moved my planters out from under the porch eves. I have celebrated the increasing darkness as thunder clouds roll in.
I love electrical storms. I love rain. It's coming. It's coming. I feel it. Oh happy day. Join me in celebration. Sing a song; hum a ditty; whistle a tune or dance a jig for the rain is coming.
Or is it? Nope, not right now I just checked the radar weather map. Instead of watering my yard and planters, the rain is refreshing the hills a few miles south of me. And besides that, I think I heard my furnace kick on for the first time in weeks, my toes are going to sleep, and my coffee is cold. Forget the happy music. Let's turn off the lights, sit in relative darkness, and mourn. Bah. Humbug.
But wait, ladies and gentlemen. Hold it right there while I walk all the way across the room and look out the window. YES!! The sound I am hearing is not my furnace coming to life. It is the sound of wonderful rain falling by the buckets-full. It is finally running down my windows, bouncing on the porch steps, and moistening the dry, dry ground. It has finally arrived. The rain has come accompanied by clapping thunder. Hooray.
Crank up the music again. Oh happy day.
This post has been written in real time which includes editing as I write and wonder where this is leading. Yes, I really did go from excitement and anticipation to sadness and disappointment and back in less than an hour's time. This emotional swing was based entirely on my expectations and desires, not having them fulfilled, and then finally seeing it all happen abundantly. How crazy is that?
This has been a good illustration for me--an illustration of how emotions can direct my outlook on things. Having my toes go to sleep often happens when I sit on one position too long. My coffee getting too cold is going to happen when I let it sit for an hour. I usually get up, walk around, put my coffee in the microwave and not give the inconvenience a second thought. That is the way life works.
But today, when the rain wasn't cooperating, my numb toes and cold coffee ticked me off. So instead of getting up, walking around, and nuking my coffee, I chose to get grumpy and complain.
How often do I let unfulfilled expectations control my action or reactions? If a friend cancels a luncheon date do I decide never to invite her to lunch again, or do I wish her a good day and reschedule? If my spouse doesn't do the expected chore do I explode, give him the cold shoulder, and tell my facebook friends he is being a jerk or do I talk to him about it?
What I feel is what I feel. It is real and needs to be acknowledged, but how I act or react is determined by me. I have no one else to blame. "It's not my fault," doesn't work here. I don't want to spend time belaboring this point. We can each use it as we will. But here is something I have to often ask myself, "Was my action/reaction Spirit led, bringing glory of God or was it brought about by selfish motivations that brought increased brokenness to a relationships, and/or more stress and guilt to my own life?
Until my heart and mind are completely renewed, my actions/reactions will continue to reveal where I am in tune with God and where there is work to be done.
===============
Proverbs 3:6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Ephesians 4:26–27 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.
===============
The thunder is gone. The rain has stopped. My cold coffee is finished and my toes are awake. This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. (rain or shine) Psalm 118:24
Jan
No comments:
Post a Comment