Goodbye Snakeskin

On May 21, 2012 I posted "Molt or Bolt" on this blog. It was a piece inspired by a snakeskin I had discovered on my grass-clipping pile in the far back of my property. I think the dried out grass heap provided a perfect place at the perfect time for a snake to molt. Little did I realize when I picked it up, put it across my lap, and continued mowing that it was God's perfect time and place to talk to me.

As I said in that post, when I found the skin I was at a point in my healing process where I wanted to run away. I wanted to take refuge with my sister and my dad.  I didn't want to deal with the challenges, life changes and adjustments that stared me in the face, but I felt that my kids and grand-kids needed my here with them. As I piloted my mower around and around the field with that beautiful, yet damaged, snakeskin on my lap, God whispered to my spirit, "Will you molt, or will you bolt?" I had a choice to make.

Yesterday at church, that snakeskin image flooded my mind once more when Pastor Sean talked about the up-coming baptisms, of dying to self--shedding the old you to take on the new Him. Then came his snakeskin analogy with this twist. We, unlike the snake, often try to crawl back into the old skin--the life we once knew, but no matter how hard we try, it no longer comfortably fits.

I could surely identify with that. In the molting process, I had to leave behind things I loved. I didn't want to leave them, but I had little choice in the matter. Prison ministry was one of those things. Although I have been out of that arena for six years, I have still gone to refresher courses to keep my volunteer status up to date. I have gone to Volunteer Appreciation Banquets and seen inmates I knew. In these situations I received many "We miss yous" from inmates and staff alike. That always made me feel good and wanting to return, which I can do at any time now.

But here is the truth that hit me between the eyes Sunday. I keep trying to climb back into that old, dried out skin that no longer fits. It has taken this long to realized that I am still vulnerable when it comes to attention and praise. That is not what ministry, especially prison ministry, is about. I hated to admit that I am still an easy mark for any offender.

So, I finally had to admit it is time to let the molted skin blow away. I can't keep it crammed in a junk drawer filled with things I might need someday.

If the Lord desires me in prison ministry in the future, he will provide a new, perfectly fitted skin--one without the vulnerabilities that the rips and tears in my old one bring.

Goodbye old skin, goodbye.

Praising God,
Jan