Thoughts of my up-coming anniversary are still popping into my mind, even after my last posting where I did a paradigm shift. I guess I had hoped that writing about my sadness and reminding myself to praise instead of pout would do away with the sadness that kept rising to the surface (pout is not the word I really want to use, but it sounds good with 'praise')
I have since tried explaining away anniversary celebrations by making them man-made events that benefit jewelry stores, florists, restaurants, candy makers, and card shops. By thinking along those lines, I thought I could more easily tell myself that being married fifty years was no big deal except to those profiting from it. That didn't work out very well. For some reason 50 years did seems like a big deal to me. No matter how hard I tried to blame everything on today's society, there was something I was missing.
When I started this blog three years ago, I wanted to openly share my emotions and thought processes in my journey of healing and restoration, this journey called "Life with Christ". So, I am going to share a few thoughts I had as I searched for the missing pieces. Are they merely my way of trying to feel better or are they the Lord speaking to me? I am still not sure. Either way, there is truth in them.
Fifty years ago my husband and I stood before God, family, and friends and made a promise to our Lord as well as a covenant to each other--a promise and covenant to love, honor, obey etc., etc. for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and health until death do us part. It wasn't always easy, but we did it to the best of our abilities. Over the ensuing years we experienced God's abundant blessings of wisdom in child rearing, strength though illnesses, and provision in difficult seasons. Our family grew not only in numbers, but also in faith. How did God do it? I don't know, but I don't need to know. I need only acknowledge that He did it.
Even though the covenant and promises were broken when my husband committed his felony, our Lord has remained faithful to each of us as individuals. As a young bride with hopes and dreams of the future, I could not have possibly imagined the pain of the past six years. As that young bride I also could not have imagined the awesome and unexpected ways the Lord has healed, supported, comforted, and given me peace.
My husband has also experienced the Lord's work in his life. I do not speak for him except to say that God has been, and continues to be faithful.
At this point I still cannot wish my husband a happy anniversary, at least not with a loving heart. Instead, I will joyously shout out, "Happy Anniversary, Lord. Thank you for fifty years of your faithfulness, provision, and grace."
With a joyful, yet still sad, heart,
Jan
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