But, Lord...

Do you ever have dollar signs spin round and round in your head?  I do whenever I leave my house and head to town. Actually, it starts before I head to town.  With gas at $3.50/gallon I hesitate even driving out of my driveway.  I buy only groceries that are absolutely necessary or for sale cheap, unless I have company coming.  I avoid clothing stores and malls in general. Lunch with a friend, or a fancy coffee treat are few and far between.   Part of that is good.  It keeps my spending under control. On the other hand, it is not so good because it leads toward miserly living.

I can afford to treat myself and a friend to lunch once in a while.  I can afford to occasionally buy a new shirt.  I can afford to go to a movie or play if I want to.  I can because I have been blessed by generous kids and an even more generous Lord.  I have been blessed with the financial means to pay my obligations and to save for taxes, gifts, medical expenses, etc.  I have never given tithing a second thought.  That is something I have always done. Where the challenge comes is in responding to "above and beyond" giving.  That takes faith. It also takes obedience.

A "still small voice" pops us every now and then with the suggestion that the money in my purse could be a real blessing to the church member who just lost a job, or the youth leader who has teens wanting  to go to camp, but no money to do so. "But, Lord...", I start to argue. "But, Lord..."

There have been times I have initially ignored that "voice", climbed into my car, and started it, only to return with money in hand and give it to the church secretary to deliver. It brings me great joy to give, but even more joy to give freely, without arguing with God first.

While I find great joy in giving, I know first hand the joy and blessing of receiving. That unexpected money, gift, or service touches the very core of my being. I feel truly blessed by friends' and family's generosity and obedience. I am thankful I have experienced God's hand working in this way.  The problem is I forget the blessing too soon.  I not only forget what it is like to receive, but I also forget what it is like to give. That is sad.

As I live each God-given day, why am I not seeking out people in need? Wait, that isn't quite the right question.  I should ask instead, "Why am I not seeking God's direction in being the blessing he want me to me?" Here is why.  God's leading often requires sacrifice from me.  I'm not necessarily talking just dollars and cents.  I'm also  talking about time, energy, and self.  I'll be honest here. I tend to be selfish. I want to stay to myself, to do my own thing in my own time, but I need to be willing to sacrifice. 


I could easily sacrifice my idle time for prayer time. (Oops, that wouldn't actually be a sacrifice would it?)  I do want my Lord's guidance, victory, wisdom, etc., but don't readily seek it.  Then comes the sacrifice of my time and energy to obey the answers I receive.  As you can tell, I talk like God will be unreasonable in his desires for me. Of course that is not true.  After all, he may want me to just make a phone call. How hard is that? I don't like to call people, but he equips me for whatever he requires.  He blesses me so I can bless in return. 


Let me say this, though. The things I do easily, the things that I enjoy are also tools God uses to bless others.  I don't have to be struck to a lightning bolt and changed in a blink of an eye from this quiet lady who keeps to herself into a social dynamo who moves mountains with her organizational skill. At this point, that is not where God has me.   So, for now I will continue writing.  That, for me, brings joy into my life and, from what I've been told, joy to others. I just ask for the ears to hear God's voice, the willingness to obey even when it requires change or sacrifice, the humility to give God all the glory, and the ability to do it all without arguing, "But, Lord...".