As I prepared, I went over my notes from last year when I shared during this same study. I was surprised as I discovered the changes in me as well as the new insights I received . But the biggest surprise came while I was sharing. I found myself getting choked up! That is something I have never done before. And it felt good.
As I have shared several times in previous blogs, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. My emotions are usually hiding somewhere. Don't ask me where somewhere is. I'm not sure. But when I have observed women becoming teary or blubbery when sharing their testimonies or areas of concern, I have wondered what it would be like to feel so deeply. I have often wished I was wired that way, but believed I was just an unemotional female without any real feelings. That was the way God made me.
That is a lie. God did not make me without emotions. As a child, I had just learned to hide them because that was the way my family dealt with their emotions. I had learned well.
When we believe Satan's lies like I did, we fail to achieve our God-given potential, and the enemy celebrates. Well, Satan, I am not unemotional. I am not devoid of real feelings. I am a child of God, created in his image to love and be loved. So take your lies and go home.
I don't know what lies the enemy has led you to believe, but here are some of the ones I believed over the years. Let me add this disclaimer. The lies I believed concerned me and what the Lord had in store for me. Your journey is different, so the enemy will tell you different lies.
As A Teenager
- Because I am skinny, have fine, straight. common hair, an "eagle beak" for a nose, glasses, and no real talent, I have nothing of worth to offer anyone. Besides that, who would want me for a wife? Lies, all lies!
I did have much to offer, but hadn't yet discovered what it was. Or maybe I should say I have much to offer, but it keeps changing from season to season. The Lord is full of surprises. And the marriage lie? I have been married almost forty-nine years.
As A Young Married
- I can't serve the Lord. I have a family to care for. How can I enter the mission field with a husband and three small children underfoot? Lies, all lies!
I did have a mission field--my three kids. They were the hungry that needed to be fed, the thirsty who need drink, and the naked that needed to be clothed. They were the ones who needed to hear the good news of God's amazing love. They were the ones... Once I realized that, I tried being the best mom I could be so I might be the best missionary for the Lord I could be.
As A Mom of School-agers
- I should be working outside the home, earning money for exciting vacations and other fun things. We should be going to Disneyland every few years instead of having picnics and camping trips. Besides, my kids really don't need me at home all the time. They need to become independent. Lies, all lies!
So many of the memories I have of those early day involved the times after school. The kids calling out "Mom!" as they walked in the door, our conversations about the fun, the funny, and the traumatic, the snacks, and the homework are all memories I wouldn't trade for the money I might have earned. I wouldn't trade the camping trips and picnics either. I am thankful we were able to live on my husbands salary and benefits, but to do so meant we would have to do without many "things". For my family, home is where I belonged, but I often struggled with a sense of guilt that came with the enemy's lie whispered into my ear, "You should be earning money." For many others, though, it is absolutely critical that mom works.
As A "Writer"
- Ideas that just pop into my head from out of the blue and are fun to put into words mean nothing to anyone but me. No matter what others say, the idea of publishing anything is complete nonsense. Lies, all lies.
More and more often I am getting encouragement, affirmation, and thanks for what I write. Women I have know over the years have told me they still read copies of the devotions I led at events they attended. Friends have shared this blog address with others. I've been asked to retell stories I have previously shared. I know that writing something for publication is very possible. Whether it will be a devotional book or my story of survival as a wife of a convicted felon, it will take lots of work and prayer. But I am being encouraged to write.
For a long time, I didn't even recognize the following lies for what they were. I'm sure there are still more lying around unrecognized for what they are. These are presented without comment.
As A Woman Struggling for Survival
- I'm too old to take this trauma.
- I'm too old to handle my house alone.
- Since the ministries I have been involved in and loved have been taken away, the Lord must be done with me.
- I need to run away and be alone FOREVER.
- People are uncomfortable around me.
- Everyone is talking about me.
- My kids and their spouses will blame me.
- My husband killed me emotionally.
- I'd be better off dead.
So now, if believing the enemy's lies keeps me from becoming the woman God created me to be, how do I fight them? I replace them with God's truths. Here are three verses that helped hold me together.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
Isaiah 42:3
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:31
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5
One thing I discovered was that Satan encouraged me to push the replay button at every possible opportunity, especially in the quiet moments after I turned off the lights, pulled my covers up around my neck, and snuggled into bed. My mind wanted to go over and over every possible thing. It wouldn't take long for even the most impossible scenarios to become very distinct possibles. It took many months before I learned not to push the REPLAY button, but push the RE-PRAY button instead.
I still listen occasionally to some lies, especially this one, "Who do you think you are to believe you have anything of value for God to use? Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?" Actually, it is unbelievably presumptuous of me to believe that God cannot use the story he has given me to tell, that he can't use the kingdom illustrations that arise from the world around me and the people who live in it. All the thoughts that pop into my mind are not out-of-the-blue-crazy-ideas. So many of them, I discover while I write, are from him.
Thankfully, I am still in the process of discovering my potential. If I want to live in excellence as a woman of God, I need to daily re-pray God's truths and keep my finger off the replay button of Satan's lies.
Jan
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