Bittersweet Afternoon

It seemed like such a sweet little book at first glance. I love little books. This ones floral, fabric cover attracted my attention immediately. The blank pages inside had scripture at the top of each one, as well as two dates on each side--nice, I thought.

As I flipped through the empty pages, I thought of different uses for it: date book, diary, God moments, prayer requests.... Wait, what was that? Writing? That is when the book turned from sweet to bittersweet.

Here is what I found.

June 5, 2009     Friday
All the kids are coming to (Husband's) sentencing this afternoon. "Lord, may we be strengthened to accept whatever your will is for (H) and our family"

June 6    Saturday
Family in crisis--God in Control
Ten years to life is hard to fathom, but God is good, and his will is done--I should say, is being done.We now move forward

I will lift up my hands in his name.

June 7    Sunday
(Elder son) and I saw (H) this morning. (Daughter and younger son) went this p.m. It was healing for all. (Elder son) has a strong sense that God will do a mighty work in this family. Praise Him.

June 8    Monday
During yesterday's visit, (H) had some personal prayer requests:
That he stay strong in faith, stand strong against the enemy, be a mighty witness, and be safe.

He might be sent to (prison nearby) today.

I saw a therapist

June 9    Tuesday
 This is my pray for (H) today.

"In the day when I cried you answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

 He was sent out yesterday a.m.

No energy today, I accomplished very little.

June 10    Wednesday
I must get out and work while the weather is nice.

"Lord, keep away the body aches--restore my strength."

Why are tears still so near the surface?

June 11    Thursday
Hubby's 68th birthday.

The rest of the book is blank.

After all these years I would like to think my sorrow would have gone away. As I discovered this afternoon, it hasn't. Although it hasn't left, it has changed. It no longer feels raw and stinging. Bittersweet molasses are the only words that express what I felt. Today's sorrow was thick, sweet, and comfortable.

I've seen and experienced the Lord's healing hand since 2009. What I felt back then was tears and emptiness. I had no anger or sorrow that I was conscious of, just those confounded tears from deep wounds and emptiness. I didn't understand how raw and stinging my suppressed emotions were.

How did I get from raw and stinging to molasses?  I guess the bittersweet molasses description comes from a childhood memory of my granddad giving me a glass of milk with black-strap molasses stirred into it (his idea of chocolate milk) after dinners at his house. The first sip always made me shudder and make a crazy face. But Granddad's words, "It's good for you, girl." made the rest go down more easily. When finished, Granddad and I would wipe the milk off our faces and give each other big smiles followed by a resounding, "Aaaaaaaah, that's good." Those were good times, sweet times, and times of comfort and peace; however, a bittersweet taste always remained for awhile.

That is the way this afternoon was. Reading entries about forgotten events made me shudder at first taste, then I thought about all the good that has come out of it (it's good for you, girl). Now, several hours later, I can smile and say, "Aaaaaaaah, these years have been good." There have been good times, sweet times, and times of comfort and peace; although, some bitter-sweetness still remains.

What an interesting day today has been.

Thank you, Lord, for the reminder of our journey-- 000000000=[]kitten walked across the keyboard.

Jan and Cat family,