A Need To Remember

I had a great day yesterday working on a 3-D puzzle of a castle with my 11 year old grandson. Talk about a challenge! Puzzles have always been fun, but this one was a challenge. I had to change my whole approach to puzzle solving. Stones are not just stones. Windows are not just windows. The puzzle piece of stone in my hand is for a building, but is it on the north, south, east, or west side? Windows are the same way. Which of the castle buildings do they go in--a church in the inner courtyard, a turret, the castle itself? And if on the turret, which turret and which side of it. Aaaaarrrrg. It was a mind blowing experience. And guess what? I'm going back later today for some more punishment. Maybe my grandson will have it put together by then. Hah, that is just wishful thinking.

Church today was good. The worship time was uplifting, and our associate pastor made several good points. But, there is one I will have to disagree with. I understood the point he was trying to make, but I see it differently than he does.

He talked about asking the Lord to help us forget the past so we can move forward with our lives. I don't think we are to forget our past pains and travails no matter how bad they were. If we forget what we have gone through, how can we praise and thank God for what he has done in our lives? How can we even start to understand other people's pain if we don't remember our own? How can we bear witness to the Lord's faithfulness in our dark, frightening times, if we have only have remembrances of his faithfulness in our good times?

Our problem is not in remembering, it is in dwelling in that memory. II Corinthians 10:5  says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

When unpleasant thoughts of past experiences come to mind and we let anger, resentments, bitterness, envy or what other thoughts come to mind and eat away at us, we are letting arguments and pretensions set themselves against everything we know about God. Those thoughts are not thoughts coming from the Lord. They are from the enemy. Paul told the Corinthians to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Christ has the power, and he is at work within us.

Here is how I see working in my own life. In the beginning, when thoughts of what my husband did came to mind, I would brood over them. I would relive every detail of what transpired the night our family heard his confession. I wondered what I was going to do, and how I was going to do what ever it was. Even while going through that process, I knew God had it all handled. I just had to live it all out. That didn't mean I didn't think about it. I probably spent hours every day thinking, asking, and examining everything possible.

Some days I was angry. Some, I felt sorry for myself. Others, I grieved for his victims. And still other days I worried about him. And most of the time I wanted to just forget it ever happened. This was all part of my healing process.*

Now, after five years, I need to remember, not the pain, not the emotions, but God and his faithfulness to me in this journey, our journey. I need to remember his healing work in my heart. I need to remember his financial provision. I need to remember his comforting touch through family and friends. I need to remember.

When those memories return these days, as they often do, I use the opportunity to say, "Thank you, Lord, for bringing me out of that dark place.  You are my healer and provider, my shalom. I praise you for your faithfulness. Thank you for carrying me when I couldn't walk, cradling me when I needed comfort, and holding my hand as I learned to walk on a path I did not understand. You, oh Lord, are my Abba, and all I need." I can then continue to pray for specific people, needs, or situations. I hope you get the picture.

By doing that, I don't feel sorry for poor me, I don't let anger rise up against my husband who caused the whole mess, or I don't worry myself to death for his victims. All my attention if on God.

As I have said many times before and will say again in the future, my desire is for God to get the glory in whatever happens and however it happens. For that to happen, I need to remember not the events, but God.

Sorry Satan, you are nowhere to be seen in this picture.


Not wanting memories removed, just experiencing wounds healing,

Jan

*The way God has worked in this adventurous journey is my testimony. He knows where I came from and where I am going. Therefore he knows what I need for that to happen.The faithfulness, provision, and care I experienced will probably be different than yours. Every person's journey is different, but God is the same.