Sunday's night dream was very real. My anticipation of good food was real. My frustration and disappointment at not finding what I was looking for was real. I wanted a delicious green salad full of every imaginable delicacy. That meant tomatoes, celery, avocado, red and green peppers, carrots, hard boiled eggs, and feta cheese. If anything else was available, I knew I would add it to the mix and enjoy every minute of eating it. As for salad dressing, I would use any kind. A wonderful salad is what I wanted, but there wasn't one available for me because I wasn't on a salt free diet.. Disappointment reigned as I turned my attention to protein.
As with the salad, my anticipation for a nice slice of smoked ham or roast beef was high. Either one would be quite nice. Salmon, halibut, or cod basted with olive oil, lemon juice and garlic would be greeted with open mouth. Even chicken, baked or barbecued, would do. Just put some meat on my plate. What in the world? No trace of mouth watering, juicy, smokey, or tangy meats was to be found, not even a nose tingling aroma. There was only a pan of indescribable goop staring me in the face.
Are you kidding me Mr. Walking Behind Me Strange Man in my dream? A spoon full of runny goop filled with green peas is your favorite food? I don't think it is mine, but I'll try it only because I am being nice. Let's get on to the desserts?
The desserts did not disappoint. Cakes, cakes, and more cakes. Huge pieces, gigantic pieces of chocolate, carrot, lemon, and coconut piled high with rich frosting all stared me in the plate. I reached for, but did not take any of them. The sheer size of the servings intimidated me; and I was not going to cut any of them into smaller sizes--not good etiquette I reasoned before waking up.
As you can tell, I love food, including desserts, which I try to avoid, but not very seriously. I will admit, though, to inviting guests over so I can play hostess and serve yummy-for-the-tummy plates full of sweet goodness.
So here are some of the thoughts that flitted around my mind looking for a place to land. I didn't let them stay too long in any one place. I kept brushing them away, all the while knowing they were here to stay. Since I haven't allowed them to take definite shape, I will just bullet point them.
- Are my expectations unrealistic? In other words, will the things I find myself anticipating disappoint and frustrate me when I can't find them?
- Are the things I want, things that aren't for me--I need to cut back?
- Since I went through the buffet line twice looking for what I wanted, does that mean I should never give up on my dreams. There is always hope.
- Do I overlook what I'm really looking for because I'm so focused on my own desires and appetites I ignore the unappealing opportunities?
- Does my timidity and fear of doing the wrong thing prevent me from enjoying the sweet things of life?
- By staying in the background (I was in the back of the buffet line) do I miss out on the feasts of life?
- Am I so much of a people-pleaser that I take advise from complete strangers so I won't hurt their feelings?
- Do I need to acknowledge that strangers have different tastes than I do. Their favorites and my favorites may be different, but as long as we are both within God's realm of favorite, we need to appreciate our differences..
- At the Lord's banquet table, I won't have to stand in a line. The table will be set and the plates piled high with food. Whether manna, quail, or pea-filled goop, but it will be divine.
Several of the above points are areas I don't think I have a problem with, but it is hard to truly see one's own faults.
Why, I ask myself, spend all this time with a food fantasy dream. A dream is just a dream isn't it? As with the three dreams I spoke about yesterday, this one was vivid and I could recall every detail of it. That doesn't happen with my other dreams. In those, bits and pieces are remembered, but can't be put into any sort of context. Maybe this is a dream I need to pay attention to.
Now I have to let the flitting, fluttering thoughts land so I can sort them out. As of now, there is confusion. With God there is none.
Sifting,
Jan
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