I'm making this a McDonald's morning. That means sitting here with my tummy full of egg, sausage and muffin (no cheese) and cup of coffee by by side. My purple mouse is on my right, next to the coffee. My pink cell phone is on my left. I'm ready for whatever it is that I am going to write. Here goes.
As I drove into town I had twenty minutes to enjoy the different shades of gray in the sky, the many shades of green in the trees, and the joy I received from all of it. What a perfect opportunity to praise and thank God for all he has given me, plus the beauty of the area in which I live. Then we had a little chat. I had the chat actually--a chat with lots of questions about what I was going to write today. This blog post is the result of that little conversation.
This past month I have felt like I am at a crossroads. The Lord still has a lot of spiritual and emotional work for me to do, but I am no longer sitting in my home wondering what the future holds. I don't spend a majority of my time on my computer anymore. What had been a necessary tool to maintain my sanity, or so I thought, has become a form of relaxation. What had provided a means of escape by keeping my mind on things of little consequence when I didn't want to make hard decisions, and my emotions at bay when I didn't want to admit I might even have some, is no longer needed. But, during those many months of "idleness", my subconscious mind was hard at work and healing was taking place.
Then came the blog, which has played a big roll in helping me process and work through so much stuff. God used the entire writing process to help me separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. His hand in my healing became more and more clear as I continued to write.
Now, I am on my computer because I want to be--not because I feel it is my source of sanity. I am on it because I am thoroughly enjoying writing.
Back to my blog--in the beginning, my readers were a handful of family plus friends who already knew about our situation and were just as shocked as we were by my husband's actions. Now, as I watch in amazement at how the readership is growing, I find myself asking God, "What in the world is going on?" And I do mean in the world because the biggest growth is in Eastern Europe and Russia.
The crossroads I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post was the point at which I almost fell into a deadly trap. With you readers from so many different places I began asking myself questions like this. "What are you looking for? What do you want to read? What blesses you? Who are you? What are your stories? What do I need to change?
Do you see the trap I almost fell into? I was questioning the path God was leading me down, and was beginning to consider taking the path of people pleasing. Thankfully, I was able to recognize the Shepherd's still, small voice in the midst of the noisy sheep and goats in my mind.
That voice was saying, "Jan, I want you to write what I want you to write, not what you think people want to hear. Some days we'll be serious, and some days funny. There will be days you will praise me and days you will give thanks. I know who is reading: what they want, what they need, what makes them laugh, and what touches their hearts. Just write what you hear me saying. Some days you will even have to write what is painful for you to say or admit, but it will be healing for a reader."
Whoa. OK, God. Will do.
I also heard God speak through one of my daughters-in-law. "Are you praying for your readers?"
So, to all who read Jan's Jottings, our loving Father knows who you are, why you read, and what you need. He wants to use this blog in ways I cannot even fathom. All I can do is be faithful in writing what I think He wants me to write; and I can pray for you.
May you enjoy His peace, comfort, healing, and laughter,
Jan
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